Let the foul mind eats you alive.

My second appointment at the hospital didn't go so well as the blood test showed no improvement and my file went missing. Yet my third appointment was worse.

On my previous follow up, I had to run a few more blood tests so they took four containers of my blood. I was supposed to hear the result today. I had waited three months for this as I was hoping to ask the haematologist to close my case because I feel perfectly normal and I was trying to clear my medical history as I wanted to apply a life insurance yet I was stuck because of this.

But guess what, now they lost the result.

"Hmm.. they didn't update your result in the system," said the haematologist.

My brain went numb. Was it what I was supposed to hear? No result? I waited for three freaking months for this!!! *pulling off hair*

"Previously, my file went missing. Now my result!" I said in disbelief, feeling so annoyed but the doctor was not the one to blame. What kind of hospital is this? How could they take this kind of things for granted?

For each appointment, I have to run a normal blood test which is not a detailed one. So yeah, my appointment today was no fun at all. The doctor had to advise based on the regular blood test. Yet somehow it was enough for the doctor to deliver more and more bad news.

Declining all the bad news, I said confidently, "Can we ... close this case? I mean, I feel fine.. You see, I want to apply insurance."

The doctor threw a faint smile, "You don't feel anything wrong? No dizzy?"

I thought for a while. "I do.. sometimes, but it's because of the sinus," I answered as if I was the one who was wearing the white coat. "Well, you know.." I sniffed a little giving a proof.

He smiled again. "Let me explain your condition here, alright..."

After a detailed explanation, I didn't know what to feel anymore.

"Can you..." I paused, thinking this would sound ridiculous but I continued, "prepare a medical report saying I'm fine since I do feel fine because I need to apply insurance and I'm afraid they might exclude this y'know.."

The doctor thought for a moment. Perhaps thinking of the right way to get my head clear.

"First, you need a formal request. And based on this, I can't really say on anything because we don't have your missing results and.." he stopped for a while, looking away from my eyes, "I think they will still exclude this."

"K," I muttered, finally giving up. There goes my insurance, certainly they will pull off all the coverage related to the blood.. liver, spleen, kidneys..wherever the blood flows. Perhaps only skin left to be covered. I'm not J.Lo...

"I'll try to trace back the missing results so you don't have to come here so frequent.."

I feel slightly delighted. I didn't want to come to the stupid hospital with a stupid system anymore.

"But, if I couldn't find it, you've to come back and re-do the tests alright?"

I heaved a sigh with a slight nod, still trying to curve a smile.

"Then we'll see again for next follow up.. I'll set a date for you."

I let out another sigh, staring blankly at the floor, making a pity face. "I thought this would be my last appointment."

He smiled again very widely. "You've to be monitored," he reminded me.

Then I followed him to the counter. I felt like ripping off the nurses's heads. They could be the cause of my missing results. Seriously don't you think this is a bit too much? Missing patient's files and lab results. It's just too much! Even there could be possibilities where they could swap the results accidentally for having such a foul unmanageable system!

"Your next appointment is on October," said the guy.

"October..?" Wow that sounded so far..

"After raya!" he said, laughing when I was not able to think straight.

"Cool!"

"The doctor has set an appointment for your ultrasound. You may go to Radiology."

Duh.. where the heck is that? I didn't know why my mind refused to work for me. "Ha?" I asked blankly.

"Do you know where's Radiology at?"

I shook my head stiffly.

He took out a blank paper and started to sketch a brief map. I couldn't understand at all. He explained three times and I was like, where the fuck is this? I didn't notice there's a balcony on this floor.

"Why don't I draw and show you the way I understand?" I suggested.

He passed me the pen and paper and I started drawing.. "This is the small counter.. this is the Mini Mart, Hospi Mart, whatever you called it.. this is the main entrance... The entrance is facing the McD across the road.." Finally I drew a square as McD.

"Laa.. Kenapa akak keluar??" he asked shockingly.

Sounded very funny though, I laughed really hard. "No.. I'm just showing you. I'm not saying I'm going out!" In fact, I was still there, standing in front of him.

A nurse who heard us simply said, "Banyak signboard tengok je la.."

Finally I understood and realized all I had to do was to come out from the speciallist unit and turn left. I was being a complete idiot.

The signboards were not helpful at all. Me and shinizzle were fighting what Radiology really means in Bahasa.

"Pengimejan...X-Ray.. Wei ape ni? Betul ke ni? Apsal takde Radiologi ke.." I nagged. Seriously the translation was freaking long.

Luckily it was the right place. I negotiated with the nurse which date I wanted, "Lepas Raya la.. tapi jangan awal sangat.."

Then she found the right date for me and I agreed. I walked away leaving the Radiology with shinizzle.

"Abis la ultrasound aku penuh dengan lemang je."