Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors.



1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember..

6. Use extra poly grip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.



'OLD' IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!' (hahahahahahaha..this is hilarious.)

'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. (hahahahaha.. good one.)

'OLD' IS WHEN.... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN.. 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot..

'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighters' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN.... You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.


* * * * * * * 

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been falling sick regularly nowadays and was off to a trip to Bandung-Jakarta last week. Will update when I have time.

Take care, guys!






Monday, February 28, 2011

Burung biru dan ikan paus.

Biasa tengok burung biru ni?






Mesti biasa kan? Kalau tak biasa, sila pergi ke sarangnya di Twitter.com. :)

Sedar tak sedar.. sebenarnya dah hampir 11 bulan saya guna Twitter ni. 

Niat asal?
Cause my bestie, Fieza was using it and then Sha joined Twitter. I took a little while before joining it cause at first I couldn't get Twitter's idea. Biasa lah, benda baru kan. Apa hal pulak burung biru ni nak buat kat alam maya ni kan.

Bila aku google pasal Twitter.. they say it's a microblogging. I am a loyal blogger (see how many years I've been posting in this blog =P ) so when they came out with Twitter, I was like, "How the hell am I going to tell my stories in 140 characters? That's stupid."

But since my besties have it, I couldn't help but decided to join it at last. I stared at the timeline and after a minute I said to myself, "This is so not my thing." I have only 10 tweets for the first month (subscribed it on April 6th, 2010).

First tweet :
"Ouuhh.. I just joined Twitter without thinking. So hmm..what should I do with it?"

Followed by these tweets in the same month:
@dreamfight3r yes, please stalk me. hahah.
swimming classes can really kill. tiredddd~~ n hungry.
@dreamfight3r happy birthday, sweetie!
every night, i came back feeling tired and exhausted... ouuuu dear.
i hate my hair cut...
i hate chelsea.
it's freaking hot today. i'm burning.
aaaaaahhh... i hate my job!!

All in all, it was crap talking, obviously. Well, till now to be frank. But slowly I had lots of friends started to join Twitter and we started to tweet like crazy. Sometimes we spammed our timeline with replies. I'm sure it bothers lots of people who follow us but rest assured, that doesn't happen too frequent. I suppose. =P

Kenapa aku cakap omputih plak ni..

And now, I almost can't live without it. I love Twitter more than Facebook. I can basically let out my thoughts, frustrations, asking things from friends, share good information, keep in touch with friends, in a very simple and effective way. Since I'm using a smartphone, tweeting becomes a thing I do regularly. But I never tried tweeting while pooping though. Pooping needs a lot of concentration. And sometimes, hard work.

Anyway,

I've seen lots of scenarios in my timeline. Aku pun tak faham kekadang. Like someone disliking other people's tweet. Seriously, you can always unfollow whoever you want to. But some of these emotional people they tend to feel mad with the tweets in their timelines. Unless kalau someone tweet isu yang agak kontroversi, membangkitkan kemarahan ke.. atau menyebabkan kebuluran sehingga pengsan ke.. then it's fine, I can understand that. But just because you personally dislike their tweets, you can't just start throwing your tantrum at them. 

It's quite subjective on this topic to be frank. Like spamming for example. There are tweeters who like to spam a lot. Either by their own tweets talking on random things, or celebrities replying numerous fan tweets at one time, or retweeting lots of stuffs..

I'm just human. I dislike some of the tweets sometimes. But I'm following 117 tweeters as to date, thus I can always ignore those tweets that I don't like. I never felt like wanting to express my uneasy feelings to them either directly or indirectly.

It's your right to express your feelings but you do have a better option I believe? Like unfollow them, for instance?

Aku tak pernah lah ditegur hal macam ni but I see this thing happens quite a number of times. Why can't you just unfollow them rather than creating a scene in the timeline? People will certainly judge by how you tweet. Some people really don't care. I know.

I did unfollow some of the celebrities like Pak Nil cause he replies his fan tweets like hundredssss of them in one time, whenever he's free. It's not like I don't like him, I do. But when one's tweets are mostly replies, you'll feel a bit sick of it. So I decided to unfollow. Aku pernah lah nampak ada fan sound Pak Nil spammed their timeline by the replies. Pak Nil jawab, tak reply kang kata sombong. Memang betul apa. Tak reply kata sombong, bila reply, kena sound pulakkk. Habis tu?

Unfollow je la dol, kalau sakit mata sangat nak tengok.

Lagi satu kisah tweeter yang rasa kecik hati bila orang unfollow dia. Ada yang marah. Ada yang frustrated gila. Come on laaaaaaaaaaaaaa..

Suka hati lah diorang nak unfollow ke follow ke. Best sangat ke Twitter kau kan..

People unfollow because of many reasons:
1. tweets kau mostly takde kaitan dengan dia. not interesting to them.
2. tweets kau kosong. takde kebaikan untuk dia.
3. tweets kau terlalu banyak replies.
4. tweets kau tak best.
5. tweets kau terlalu emosional.
6. saje nak reduce tweeters yang dia follow sebab bila follow ramai sangat, timeline macam bullet train, bak kata Imran Ajmain (he follows back his followers, mind you. But in my case, he followed me first).
7. ataupun, kau tak tweet tweet.

Banyak lagi reason lah. But I think those are the main reasons why people decided to unfollow.

Aku tak keep track lah siapa follow/unfollow aku. So far I only have 180 followers. Agak magik sikit sebab selalunya orang-orang kebanyakan ni, dia follow lagi banyak dari orang yang follow dia. But I don't really care about the figure on my followers cause half of it I believe are bots.

Bots tau ke tak? Alah malas nak explain la. Haha.

Twitter used to be a very harmony place. People tweet with manners. Sekarang ni susah nak cakap. The users are increasing and they joined with different purposes.

I really hope we can still respect each other eventhough there are times when you feel like flushing the tweeters' heads when they tweet something you hate or make you feel offended.

So friends, kalau nak cari aku dengan cepat dan mudah, sila cari di Twitter, bukan Facebook. Haha.


Isn't this RIDICULOUSLY SEXY?!










(Credit to Tumblr for that hormone-twisting photo and whoever owns it... and the man.. oh certainly the baby as well.. and the Xbox joystick of course..and..)



Sunday, February 20, 2011

Menyambut menantu.


Akhirnyaaa berjaya gak aku meluangkan masa meng-upload gambar-gambar majlis perkahwinan Along bagi pihak lelaki atau lebih dikenali sebagai Majlis Menyambut Menantu.

Aku cerita serba ringkas saja ye.. (banyak dah lupa haha)

Malam sebelum majlis tu rumah memang meriah dengan paluan rebana. Seronok woo.. Makcik-makcik pun happy je di dapur.

Seperti yang diceritakan dalam previous entry, pagi-pagi majlis lagi dah bergegas ke pasar cari bunga dan kemudian pergi ambil kek. Pastu balik rumah time tu dah dekat kul 10 pagi.

Kelam kabut ler.. kul 11.30 camtu, baru lah nak pergi tukar baju dan bersiap segala. Waaahhh encik Abah sangat bising ye. Hahaha.

Pagi tu jugak ada paluan rebana. Yang lawaknya, anak buah aku yang berumur 4 tahun ni suka sangat lah nak join sekali memalu rebana. Dia punya aksi tu macam sungguh-sungguh lah dia yang mengepalai kumpulan rebana ni. Tengok je lah gambar ni.

Lawak kan gambar ni? HAHAHA.

Alhamdulillah majlis berjalan lancar. Tapi apa yang frust sesangat adalah kelewatan pengantin tiba ke majlis, dekat pukul 3 juge ler. Ini gara-gara jem yang teruk akibat musim cuti raya Cina.. dah bertolak awal pun sangkut jugak. Tak leh nak cakap ape la kan. Pengantin pun terseksa je dalam kereta hampir 5 jam.. Padahal Bagan Serai - Ipoh tu bukan lah jauh mana pun. Sejam setengah perjalanan je.

Jadi ramai lah tetamu yang balik dengan rasa hampa sebab tak dapat jumpa mempelai. Masa diorang sampai pun, tetamu dah reda. 

Jubah pengantin yang ditempah sendiri.

Tepung tawar.

Anyway, tak apa lah. Janji selamat sampai, ye dak? :)



Masa makan beradab, aku, Maya dan Mak Tam tampil buat performance kecil-kecilan. Hahahaha. Ini Mak Tam punya idea. Mak Tam seru nama pengantin perempuan sambil acah-acah, lepas tu aku dan Maya nyanyi sikit la kan.. (malas cerita detail hahaha). Lepas tu Mak Tam dan aku berpantun. Ngah ngah. 

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Me and Maya dalam cubaan menghiburkan tetamu. Hahaha.


Then, Ibu buat ucapan yang berupa lebih kepada pesanan buat kedua mempelai terutama sekali dengan anak lelaki tunggalnya. Fuh.. meleleh air mata ibu dan Kak Long (pengantin perempuan) ye. 

Air mata seorang ibu.

Kak Long touching dengar pesanan ibu

Kenduri Along ni agak spesial sikit dari segi lauk-pauknya.. 7 jenis! Haha. 4 catering, 3 masak sendiri.

Alhamdulillah kami terima overwhelming feedback about the food. Thank you so much! :)

Malam tu lepas Isya' (patutnye after Maghrib but masing-masing kepenatan), ada buat majlis BBQ pulak untuk saudara-mara terdekat. Makan kambing sekor y'all.. Pergh layannnn. Dan campur dengan hidangan yang lelain tu. Memang kenyangg. Sambil tu, buat sesi karaoke ye. Haha. Mesti lah aku tak nak lepaskan peluang kan. Haha. (gambar malas letak ler sebab acara tertutup. muka masing-masing sememeh je.)

Kemudian disusuli pula dengan upacara membuka hadiah. 



Ada satu hadiah ni, kawan Along bagi buku-buku di mana salah satunya Kak Long tak bagi Along cakap tajuknya. Sambil tu dia dah tersipu-sipu malu.

Kitorang pun jerit suruh baca jugak tajuk buku tu. "Indahnya Malam Pengantin," kata Along sambil disambut bunyi-bunyian yang riuh dari saudara-mara. Tiba-tiba Pak Ngah menjerit, "Haa sorok buku tu, nanti Ayu curi-curi baca!"

Ewahhh.. apa lagi, kena gelak lah kan. Aku pun balas ler, "Tak baca, fotostet je!"

Bila ketawa dah reda, dengan selambanya Abah menyampuk, "Ha buat dua salinan."

Hahaha. 

Want a copy, anyone? :P


Overall it was a good event. We all enjoyed ourselves. Alhamdulillah. Syukur.

Kini Along dah jadi suami orang. Yeay!

Gambar ikutkan banyak sangat nak share tapi berat pulak blog ni karang dan aku tak lah rajin pun nak edit. HAHAHA. Alright, enjoy the rest of the photos. :)


Goodies box.

Memang gile glemer dia ni. Sibuk nak menyanyi.

Abah busy melayan tetamu, mengaut duit. Hahaha. Saya pun dapat saguhati Abah dan Ibu bagi tau. :)


From left: Kak Ngah (cousin), Mak Yang, Mak Tam (jaguh pantun), dan Nurul (cousin).

These two are my favourite young cousins! Sangat behave ok. Anak-anak yang baik.

[photo removed]
Me and my colleague, Kak Yati. Terima kasih datang. ^_^


[photo removed]
Adik-adik pengantin posing sakan kat bilik pengantin.

[photo removed]
Orang cakap muka kitorang takde iras langsung. Betul ke?



Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Maulud Nabi.


Salam maulidur rasul kepada semua umat Islam.

Dah terlambat nak wish sebenarnya. Malam baru sempat nak update.

I'd like to share my favourite salawat since I was a little kid. Masa kecik dulu, sampai menangis-nangis mendendangkan salawat ni.

Sekarang ni dah banyak versi baru. But I still love this old version.