Saturday, September 27, 2008

Raya Entry : Salam lebaran.

InsyaAllah dengan izinNya, lagi tiga hari, 1 Syawal bakal tiba.

Persiapan raya? Hurmm... so far I've only one pair of baju kurung, one pair of new heels and one piece of new tudung.

Tak banyak.

I went shopping several times to find new clothes for Raya but unfortunately I believe I was being too fussy.

Anyway, insyaAllah esok pegi cari lagi.. I'm already at my hometown. Last night my parents picked me up, broke fast at Bangi and went back straight away to Ipoh. I was supposed to join my friends loitering around Jalan TAR that night as I was thinking my father could be tired to drive back to Ipoh and we would stay overnight at our second house in Ampang, yet I was wrong. He was determined to go back on the same night.

So sadly I missed the chance to join them but it's okay.

Here in Ipoh, I get a lot of free time to spend on, so tonight I decided to try on digital scrapping which I planned to give it a try like months ago. I heard it from Temi and found myself getting excited playing with the graphic materials. Maybe you should give it a try. It's much more exciting than brushes.

So anyway, aku nak ucapkan selamat menyambut hari raya yang bakal tiba.. dan semoga raya kali ni memberikan kenangan manis yang tersendiri.. semoga segala yang tidak elok tu tak menimpa kalian. InsyaAllah..

Maaf zahir batin kepada semua.. kalau aku pernah mengguris perasaan sesiapa, mohon ampun sangat-sangat.

Akhir kata, beringat-ingat ketika raya, ok? Yet still, have an exciting Raya!

[photo removed]

Monday, September 22, 2008

Raya Entry : Roll Date Cookies.

I'd like to share with you one of my favourite Raya cookies. I'm not much into dates, so I found these cookies have been a good reason for me to eat them. I had a few experiences making these cookies, but please be reminded I am never good at baking. LOL. Anyway, roll date cookies are easy to make. Trust me. :)

50g cornflour
100g Nestle Corn Flakes, finely ground
200g butter or margarine
100g caster sugar
1 tsp vanilla essence
1 egg
30 seedless dates, cut in halves
1 egg for glazing

1. Sift together plain flour and cornflour. Stir in Nestle Corn Flakes. Mix well and set aside.

2. Cream butter, sugar and vanilla essence until fluffy. Add egg and beat well.

3. Fold in flour mixture and mix well until soft dough forms. Roll dough into one cm thickness and cut into 3cm x 1.5cm rectangles. Place half a date on dough and roll.

4. Place dough on lightly greased baking trays, allow room for spreading and glaze with egg yolk.

5. Bake in preheated oven at 180ÂșC for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from oven and let it stand for 20 minutes.

Credit to NST

Climb up the stairs if you're not willing to stand on the ground.

It's always a wonder when someone you know that well stop talking to you and start acting awkwardly.

Even though you didn’t say to me directly, your mind is readable to me. I know what you’ve been thinking, what you’ve been judging towards my outlandish behaviour.

I know it’s intolerable, impractical and utterly petulant. I know you are aware I’ve been throwing such a cold treatment to you particularly, not to anyone else even though we’ve been friends since the year we were not even eligible to vote yet.

I am not being judgemental but I think you are missing something valuable that I’ve been treasured for long since the day we declared ourselves as friends, the true you.

You know I never like a person who knows-it-all except Hermione Granger. I really appreciate things you are willing to share. I do value every single help you offered to me and I perfectly know that you’ve been meaning to help without foreseeing anything in return.

Yet, I don’t like how things are expressed to our friends. You always left out one simple course of action before you speak out, that is to think wisely. How much you hurt them is how much I feel tortured by just listening to it. The closer a friend is to you, the more things you take for granted.

It’s never wrong to make jokes to cheer people up. But how bad the joke is that matters. You’ve been cracking jokes and denounced other people as if you are the only creature who is utterly perfect.

No, you are not even close to perfection – this is why I am still your friend.

The more things you know, the more flaws you’re building up in you.

Until when you want to rely on me rectifying wrong things that you’ve been doing?

I never cared so much when you said things that I refused to listen because I know you so well and I know why you’ve been saying those things, whether you really meant it or didn’t. I’m prone to hurting by you. I’m prone to your style of talking sweet things that never came out from your heart earnestly. I’m prone to your habit of making me your medium of teasing just to see how far I could take it, whether in the end I would finally give it up and you get the chance to scream, “Yes! I did it!”

Maybe you don’t see what I see. Maybe you never thought how hard it is to just be your damn friend. Maybe you think I appreciate our relationship so much I wouldn’t even dare to think how wonderful it is not to be called your companion anymore.

You are right.

I can never say I want our friendship to end. It would be one of the hardest things to say. What am I without you? Without your laughter and company?

This is the plain reason why I’ve been so mean to you. Ignoring and pretending like I have nothing to say to you as if I don’t realize you are looking at me, waiting for me to share stupid jokes or make fun of myself just like I always did. Instead, I simply walked off without a word.

I know it hurt you, so much it hurt I spoiled your day. But I am not willing to allow this feeling of hatred towards you begins to pile up from day to day especially when we meet.

I don’t have the courage anymore to be telling you what went wrong. I am tired of being so outspoken and harsh to you eventhough you always prefer that way. Thus, I’m leaving this for you to figure out yourself.

Just... stop hurting my friends.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

And the sun shall rise again..

I was busy doing my work in front of my office PC when suddenly my phone vibrated. My fingers froze for a moment and I glanced towards my mobile screen. It was a friend of mine calling.

I quickly picked it up and answered the call. It was an unexpected call from my bestfriend.

After a few 'how are you doing' questions, she suddenly asked me with a serious tone in her voice.

“Are you in love?”

I was choked. “Sorry?”

“No, tell me. Are you in love?”

“No, I guess not,” I answered hesitantly because it was totally out of the blue.

“But your YM status! It brought meaning like you’re in that kind of state, y’know.”

I chuckled. “Don’t get me wrong. My YM status doesn’t always mean something to me personally. It’s really up to the people to judge.”

And, to my astonishment, she burst out. “My God. What happened to you?!!”

I was utterly confused by her reaction. “What? What happened to me?”

I heard a sigh from her. I sensed a feeling of disappointment. I was thinking hard, my eyes went unfocused. What did I do wrong? What’s with the YM status?

“How long d’you want to be like this, Ayu? Till when are you gonna open up your heart and accept someone?”

Duh~ Come on, is this for real? I mean, is it the right time? I mumbled in my heart. I was so not ready for this kind of issue. I did not answer straight away. In fact, I didn’t have any answer. I stared around my workplace, I felt totally lost. I should be doing my work right now, that was the only thing seemed logical to me.

“I don’t know,” I replied weakly.

“Of all the people I know, your heart has the least feelings. Icy cold, you know that? Come on, Ayu. This time for real. How long are you gonna be like this? It’s about time for you to change and get serious.”

I went blank again. I had no guts to reply her words. Finally, I said something. Just because I knew she wanted me to say something.

“I’ll… think about it.”

“For God’s sake, don’t you have someone you like right now?”

This time I was thinking pretty seriously. Maybe there’s someone… maybe I didn’t notice.. Maybe.. Could be..

“Err.. no.”

Not only her, I felt disappointed with myself. I was not lying. Why should I lie?

“I can’t believe this..” she sighed.

“Trust me, I’m not in love with anyone.”

“And that is the problem..”

Why is she worried that much? It’s not like my life is over.. Love is not something you can bump into and say “Hey, want a ride?”

The next day, I had this great activity playing fire crackers with my Silat buddies when she called again. She recently told me that I barely had time spent for her so I decided to miss the fun and spent my time with her via the phone.

She called me usually when she had stories to share. So again, I was not prepared for her lecture on the same issue.

This time I had to shut up and listen. I was glad though, cause I really had nothing to say. But I can’t deny the fact that she made me realized on one thing, I had no life.

I changed or at least my life has changed. It’s true though, I’m working now. Okay eventhough my second job is far much better than the first, but it changed me.

“You’ve no life, you’re not a person who I knew for years anymore. You’re so workaholic.. and and.. Deco-holic..” she tortured me with her words, and she ended up saying the most bitter confession I could ever hear from a bestfriend, “You’re heartless.”

My lips were sealed, my throat went dry. I gulped silently while staring blankly at my friends who were cheerfully playing with the firecrackers. The loud cracks burst up above the dark sky failed to distract my empty feeling even a bit.

“You’re right,” I pled guilty.

She was, because I nearly cancelled my plan to join them playing those firecrackers as I thought I preferred to spend my night alone at home. But someone blurted out, “Come on, Ayu. You’ve no life if you don’t join us.”

And so, I changed my mind and joined them. Who said I have no life? Okay fine, I know who.

During weekdays, I have to make sure I go to bed before 10.30pm. If later than that, I would feel I have wasted my precious time since I’ve to wake up early to go to work. As if, my office is 50 kilometres from my house (it’s actually 5-7 minutes journey). I barely had my dinner as I’m worried if I take dinner, I will have a hard time waking up in the morning when I’m full.

I don’t socialize anymore, I haven’t made new friends for quite a long time already. I rejected a few people who wanted to get to know me just because I feel getting-to-know-each-other session is tiring (I don’t sms a lot and I don’t like receiving unnecessary calls). I still spend my weekends with my friends but old ones. I still go out regularly but never during weekdays. It’s like, hell no.

But I do have my own excuses. I don’t socialize because my weekend activities are always full with my friends. I rejected those guys not because I’m snobbish but because I knew I would upset them when I hardly have time to reply their messages and they couldn’t understand. I go to bed early during weekdays because waking up early in the morning is a real challenge to me.

After my bestfriend ended up her lecture, I made her a promise that I would try to change myself. But still I argued at first by saying “I did try, you know. Ok maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Fine, I didn’t try at all.”

Maybe.. Mayyybe I can try to learn giving some space to myself or to other people..

Perhaps, next year.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Those years we had our chances.


To be frank, I prefer not to recall any of my school memories because I felt I was not being myself, I was influenced and the thing that I regretted the most is I was not able to stand up for myself. I was hard, I was clumsy, I hated school boys, and I had bestfriends who turned out to be successful backstabbers.

But somehow, I insisted a meme from padfoot because I wanted to do something non-work related when I'm tired doing all the works in the office. She promised me one, and there you go, a meme about 'Zaman Sekolah'. Not to blame her though (no worries, padfoot hihi), doing this survey won't do any harm. Besides, I'd love to share my photos during my school years. I'm not sure I still have them in my PC or not but let's worry about that later.

5 tabiat buruk time sekolah:
1- I came late to school almost everyday when I was in form 2-3 eventhough my school is only a walking distance from my home. There was a few times where I purposedly went home for a while (during school session of course), and went back to school as if I did nothing illegal.
2- I skipped assembly whenever I got the chance. Very risky, though but I never got caught.
3- I used to play 'Spirit of the Coin'. Reluctant to tell you this, but it's true. Taubat dah wei.
4- Everyday it's a must to go to the toilet. Tabiat buruk semua budak pompuan!
5- Suka curi tulang time PJK. Berborak jer.. cikgu suka lepas tangan.

Ada satu kisah jahat, tapi ini bukan tabiat. I only did it once. I broke into prefect's room to get back all my illegal stuff when no one was around. With a little help from my bestfriend, though. She was a prefect.

3 favourite subjek anda... kenapa?
1- English. To all the schools I went to, I liked all my English teachers and I used to be their favourite too. :P
2- Muzik. I only had this class when I studied at SRK (1) Kuala Ampang. Bes lah.. enjoy je blaja muzik ni. I learned playing instruments, dancing, and singing.
3- Maths. This was the class that I had the best concerntration on because I knew I would get into trouble if I didn't listen carefully. But I totally hated Add Maths because of the racist teacher.

Can I add one more? Pendidikan Seni! Rileks jer.. main lukis-lukis. I was pretty good at drawing.. I won contests too. But I can assure you, I don't have that talent anymore. Tak ingat bila last melukis.. longggggggggg time ago.

Oouu.. I loved Biology class too.. boleh main benda-benda yang disgusting. Damn right you are, padfoot.. bedah katak! Hehe besss.. dan bedah tikus. I even got addicted with the blood-type test. I tested on myself more than 5 times. And there was one science exhibition, I volunteered to take part in blood-type test, and I tested on God-knows-how-many students.

3 subjek anda tak suka... kenapa?
1- Add Maths. Reason mentioned above. Plus, this was the only subject that made me cried.
2- Geography. Benci subjek ni sebab banyak sangat tempat nak ingat. I didn't mind learning all the stupid polars, but the need of mesmerizing where coffee is most planted, and what are those institutes involved was really getting on my nerves.
3- History. I loved form 4 syllabus, but not form 5. Reading the text book was really tiring!

Anyway, since I'm in the office, photos will be inserted later.

SRK (1) Kuala Ampang (standard 2)

SMK Kuala Kubu Bharu (form 4)

Sunday, September 07, 2008

I say a little prayer for you.

Forgive me if my blog tends to be difficult to view due to all the photos uploaded in my recent entries including this one.

This time I'd like to share what happened during my birthday on last 26th August.

[photo removed]

We are 'geng kotak hijau'! hehehe. One way of releasing stress, karaoke sampai pengsan.

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Thanks to all my friends especially Shidi.. sesusah je kan beli tepung dengan telur tu.. ish.. mati sekor anak ayam kerana ku..

[photo removed]

Then I spent one night for a dinner with my darlings, shinizzle and padfoot at The Coast, Alamanda. Thanks, girls!!

Last but certainly not least,

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Over the bridge.

[photo removed]

Trust me, I've another longgggg entry about my one week in Singapore, but I am pretty sure I won't be able to finish it. So thinking that I would never get the chance to complete it, I decided to share with you my stories through some of the photos I took. I have hundreds but of course it seems impossible to share them all.

So shall we proceed?

[photo removed]

I walked to the office (Starhub Centre at Cuppage Road) every morning eventhough I had other options by taking bus or taxi, but I went home by bus because it's not a wise decision to be walking alone along the road (ya, I went home alone.).

This is where I stayed for the whole week, Somerset Liang Court Apartment. Pretty convenient, though. But I spent time at the apartment only to sleep and have my light dinner.

Why, you wonder I barely spent my time at the apartment? This was what I did everyday after work. Touring all around Orchard Road and window shopping. All alone. I had the worst blisters all over my feet and they hurt like hell when I walked on my bare feet.

Took the MRT with a colleague who was kind enough to get me familiar with the public transportations.

My second day in Singapore. It was a rainy day. We had to take a cab to the office.

[photo removed]

Right: Me at the balcony. Left : Me just went back home from shopping.

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I flew to Singapore, accompanied by a colleague and went back from Changi to KLIA all by myself.

No matter how great other country is, I still love my own.