The day I read newspaper.

It was chilly that day. It rained heavily, cats and dogs? No, more like Autobots and Decepticons. Doesn’t look good, I thought. Shut down the pc now, my brain could be bossy at times. Nevermind that, I didn’t hear any thunder, I didn't see any lightning. Wait and see, my brain snorted (yes, it could). Wow, you look confident— Bam, saw it, heard it. Okay, you win. Click, click, click. A familiar melodic sound came out, there you go, I’ve turned it off. Happy? I snarled.

Where’s the newspaper? You put it on your bed, dim-witted prat. Shut up. Blimey, my brain is pretty snooty nowadays. Can’t help, still need it. I took the folded papers, unfolded them, glanced through the headlines. Phfftt.. nothing unusual, everything was as bad as hell. More missing children.. freaky, did they forget their vitamins? Alas, these kidnappers these days! If only I could turn myself into Jessica Sanders in Heroes. Man, you’re freaking dead, I tell ya. Or perhaps, Bionic Woman. More macho, heh? Parents, turned out to be instant celebrities. Being blamed, irresponsible. Ouch, bite me. Too many things in their heads, I must say. Money, jobs, foods, money again.. Dude, our own kids we are talking about here. Each kid is his or her biological parents’ responsibilities. Only? Man, that’s harsh. Snap it. I thought there’s something called society in this world, no? Community? No? Vanity? I saw someone’s nodding.

Tebabo! Na-ah, that’s too fake. It sounded more like a loud pop. I gasped. My eyes caught my PC. The lights went off, fan slowed down. It was a blackout. Pitch black y’all, but I could see a flash light came out from the back of my LCD monitor, more likely, it was dark, remember? Hmmff. I sniffed. Damn, I know this burning smell. My brain roared with laughter. Told you, it said, throwing a nasty smile at me. I thought I had turned it off! Well, why don’t you check the plug? Okay, I didn’t turn off the plugs. I forgot, alright? And this forgetful symptom, isn’t it supposed to be your flaw, my toffee-nosed brain (if only you did have a nose)? I jerked. But heck, I wished I had a wand so that I could swish it, flick it, and mutter ‘Reparo!’ Very well, I’m not a witch, I’m a Mudblood Muggle.

When I was about to declare a war with my brain, the electricity went back. Okay, no PC, continue your reading. I heaved a deep sigh, my dead PC distracted me a bit. My brain took charge, close your eyes and say ‘Let bygone be bygone.’ Wow brain, I can never thank you enough, thanks for being so supportive. I glared at the newspaper, it took me about a minute to spell out the words, the news was about sports yet I found words like ‘burn’, ‘demolish’, ‘money flies’, ‘Low Yatt’. Syuuh!! What’s that got to do with football? Brain, please behave.

Hey look, Real Madrid is leading! Barca, my love, what happened, honey? Are you alright? Didn’t I tell you, Henry, focus on the ball and stop staring at Ronaldinho’s teeth? No offence, he’s still my favourite. Being inconsistent lately, I know you missed me. Forgive me, Deco is always my number one. Dear, he’s married and got kids, my brain snapped. Thanks for that friendly reminder. EURO 2008! In June! Arghh, kill me. Wow, Cristiano, sexiest footballer alive who knows how to dive, he’s delicious marvellous, with those spectacular muscles moves.

Hurmm.. Nicol David won again and again and again. Phew, she must have forgotten how it feels to be a loser. Four thumbs up (including my toes)! Girl, you got style! Hey what’s this? Tettt.. I don’t like these kinds of news in our local sports. Politics, fights, financial problems. No wonder our football team is at ranking number 165. Whose to blame? Next!

Foreign countries. The least topic I would read. Nothing pleasant, it’s always about war, Muslims being downtrodden. Hate it, hate it, hate it! Hmm.. Obama and Clinton. Hot topic. Tough fight. First black. First woman. Don’t care.

Talking about election, it’s getting hot in here so why don’t you take off your clothes?. I’m feeling it now. I’ve registered years ago, I’m eligible to vote. My house is exactly, yes, exactly opposite of ‘Bilik Gerakan Barisan Nasional, Kampung Sg Tapah Seberang’. I could even sleep walking and reach there in ten seconds, no make it twenty, the door is locked. They hanged the flags everywhere. They spent their times decorating the tent, preparing the flags and banners until 1 o’clock in the morning. It’s a total blast here. This one party even painted all the bridges here in white and green. Man, they’re so generous! Let’s shout out loud for the campaign, Green the earth!

Now, now. Britney hit herself one more time. No, seriously dude, get the hell out of her life. Leave her alone. Go play Sudoku. It’s not that hard. Try the beginner level first. She’s just a girl trying to be a good mom. What’s so hard about that? No-no, I’m still talking about her, not her 16-years old pregnant sister. Paparazzi, yo guys, you’re ruining her life, man. You’re worse than Sylar. You know, that guy who has a girl’s name (to me) as his real name? Gabriel GayGray.

Now hold on, it was still raining. I had a bad sense on this. Somebody might be swimming to get out from the kitchen to the living hall. Alas! I hoped I was wrong.

Bam! I saw only darkness. How lovely.. Lumos!


To be continued.