Punch That Dickens.

“Ayu, have you done your revision?”

I glanced at Mom with narrowed eyes. Is she okay? I wondered, slightly terrified. You know, forgetting the hard fact about your own daughter is certainly not a good sign.

“Mom, I’ve graduated seven months ago.”

I answered, with the most pleasant adorable tone of voice I could ever utter. Take note, I’m a loud person. I could shake the Petronas Twin Tower with a giggle, and people would definitely think it’s either an earthquake or Peter Petrelli is about to explode.

“Nice joke. I’m talking about your PTD exam.”

She replied. Ow crap! I’ll take it, it’s me who’s suffering the first sign of senility. PTD? Sounds like a syndrome or something. Wait I think I know. It’s a beach! Pang! My brain slapped itself. Woah.. chill out, I’m dizzy. Fine, PD is a beach. Right, sorry. PTD huh? Pegawai Tadbir Diplomatik. Wow, I found the answer. Man, I’m proud of myself.

I could not believe I had forgotten about it until that day. It was Thursday. The exam was on Saturday, the day which is separated by Friday. Correct? I’m a genius. I could feel my brain shaking its own brain. I can’t believe I’m living in your head, my brain sighed. Snap! I said, I heard you, you’re busted.

“Do I have to do revision?”

I asked stupidly. I took the letter SPA sent me (don’t let me tell what SPA means) and reread the exam schedule. Personality test, easy. Essay, piece of cake. Comprehension, bring it on. General Knowledge, I gulped. Economics, I’m sorry? Maths, my eyes went bloodshot. Politics, I collapsed on to the floor.

“Okay, let’s revise tomorrow.”

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. I’m good at making decision, thank you. I did do a little revision the next day, though. How little? Well, I called my friend who had taken the exam to get some rough ideas, y’know, what to expect. Mm-hmm. I’m concerned, see? But I hoped my friend didn’t get a heart attack because it was already 10pm by the time I called her. Okay, near 11.

“D’you have ‘Malaysia Kita’ book?
“No—”
“D’you have ‘This one book I can’t recall’?
“Nope— ”
“D’you have any reference book?”
“Na-ah.”
“D’you have internet?”
“Hah! Hell yeah.”

I really wondered what would be her next question if I said no. She gave me some points I needed to do some research on, huh I bet I would. Some of the terms were too jargon for me. Brain, you had too much rest and this is what happened! I barked. Girl, I gave you As in History when you were in secondary school. Once, you even got 100% for your test. What did you do to me? My brain looked horrified.

I am not that thick, don’t get me wrong. It’s just this politics thing isn’t really my thing, you see? I read newspaper everyday but newspaper don’t tell you where Mabul island is. What Majlis Raja-Raja really does. Who the founder of Thomas Cup is. Of course, that man must’ve got Thomas in his name. And of course, you got five Thomas-es to choose from. These are hard plain facts that require thorough reading, or when you’re lucky enough, you accidentally bumped into it. Na-ah, don’t deny that. And newspaper tells things people want to hear, people want to see. Deaths, terrorists, wars, controversies, rapes, violence, Britney Spears!

I thank Wikipedia for its help including those who uploaded the information I sought for. Eventhough everything I read within two hours (almost) did not come out in the exam. It was a good reading anyway. At least I could tell now our Prime Minister’s father was one of them who picked the date of our Independence Day. Hah, I bet you had no idea!

As soon as I arrived at the Auditorium Hall, I saw this one girl, walked close to her and we introduced ourselves. Glad to know I’m older and she wanted to address me as ‘Kakak’ (my face turned green). She was reading her ‘Malaysia Kita’ book when I was thinking what game to play after I finished the exam. And suddenly, she closed her book and looked at me. I gulped silently.

“Do you know what are the 5 pillars in RMK9?”

She asked, looking anxious. I was choked, I could barely breath. I’ve read it, but do you expect me to remember those things? Oh man, my brain had launched its protest against me. I’ve read it, I’m telling you again.

“It’s..” I paused, my eyes went unfocused. Y’know the look on your face when you’re trying to recall where you put your driving licence when a policeman stopped your car and asked you for it. “It’s something to do with.. economics, socials.. sorry, I don’t remember.”

She nodded, thinking hard on something, and her eyes went fixed to her book. Phew, wipe the sweat! I gazed around at the other candidates, man, they looked scary. Too scary for any role in Long Khong. But some of them looked cute too. Most of them brought their own books, carrying large bags to fill them in while I had my favourite novel ‘Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes’ in my handbag. Whenever we had 15 minutes break between the papers, people would scatter around and march towards the toilets. But I had a great laugh reading my book.

I bet I was the only person who did not have any interest doing the exam. Some of the answers were wrongly marked but I was just too lazy to rub them off. And there was a question I intentionally picked the wrong answer just because I liked it. Tell me, who could be worse than me? Paris Hilton?

My maths paper was the worst. My brain went numb soon after my eyes found numbers doing tap-dance everywhere on the paper. I glimpsed my right and left to see the other candidates. None of them looked pleased that moment, except well, me. Some of them were looking like they had just lost their EPL front seat tickets. Some of them were looking like they had been infected by Trojan Horse. And some of them were simply, turning blue. The easiest paper I would say English comprehension. The Bahasa comprehension was a complete mess. I never liked Bahasa comprehension since I was in primary school. They’re messing up the answers. Any could be correct. And if they asked me to stand and fight why I picked my answers, I definitely would. You see, they picked articles that were written by other people. When the questions ask why would this author says this, how can you be so sure? It could be as the same as your opinions, but it could be as the same as mine as well!

The exam finished at 4.30pm. I was among the earliest to get the hell out of there. The hall was freaking cold. I had a hard time to write my essays because my fingers almost caught frost bites. My dad fetched me and as soon as I got into the car, he asked, “How was it?”

“Peanuts.”