And the sun shall rise again..

I was busy doing my work in front of my office PC when suddenly my phone vibrated. My fingers froze for a moment and I glanced towards my mobile screen. It was a friend of mine calling.

I quickly picked it up and answered the call. It was an unexpected call from my bestfriend.

After a few 'how are you doing' questions, she suddenly asked me with a serious tone in her voice.

“Are you in love?”

I was choked. “Sorry?”

“No, tell me. Are you in love?”

“No, I guess not,” I answered hesitantly because it was totally out of the blue.

“But your YM status! It brought meaning like you’re in that kind of state, y’know.”

I chuckled. “Don’t get me wrong. My YM status doesn’t always mean something to me personally. It’s really up to the people to judge.”

And, to my astonishment, she burst out. “My God. What happened to you?!!”

I was utterly confused by her reaction. “What? What happened to me?”

I heard a sigh from her. I sensed a feeling of disappointment. I was thinking hard, my eyes went unfocused. What did I do wrong? What’s with the YM status?

“How long d’you want to be like this, Ayu? Till when are you gonna open up your heart and accept someone?”

Duh~ Come on, is this for real? I mean, is it the right time? I mumbled in my heart. I was so not ready for this kind of issue. I did not answer straight away. In fact, I didn’t have any answer. I stared around my workplace, I felt totally lost. I should be doing my work right now, that was the only thing seemed logical to me.

“I don’t know,” I replied weakly.

“Of all the people I know, your heart has the least feelings. Icy cold, you know that? Come on, Ayu. This time for real. How long are you gonna be like this? It’s about time for you to change and get serious.”

I went blank again. I had no guts to reply her words. Finally, I said something. Just because I knew she wanted me to say something.

“I’ll… think about it.”

“For God’s sake, don’t you have someone you like right now?”

This time I was thinking pretty seriously. Maybe there’s someone… maybe I didn’t notice.. Maybe.. Could be..

“Err.. no.”

Not only her, I felt disappointed with myself. I was not lying. Why should I lie?

“I can’t believe this..” she sighed.

“Trust me, I’m not in love with anyone.”

“And that is the problem..”

Why is she worried that much? It’s not like my life is over.. Love is not something you can bump into and say “Hey, want a ride?”

The next day, I had this great activity playing fire crackers with my Silat buddies when she called again. She recently told me that I barely had time spent for her so I decided to miss the fun and spent my time with her via the phone.

She called me usually when she had stories to share. So again, I was not prepared for her lecture on the same issue.

This time I had to shut up and listen. I was glad though, cause I really had nothing to say. But I can’t deny the fact that she made me realized on one thing, I had no life.

I changed or at least my life has changed. It’s true though, I’m working now. Okay eventhough my second job is far much better than the first, but it changed me.

“You’ve no life, you’re not a person who I knew for years anymore. You’re so workaholic.. and and.. Deco-holic..” she tortured me with her words, and she ended up saying the most bitter confession I could ever hear from a bestfriend, “You’re heartless.”

My lips were sealed, my throat went dry. I gulped silently while staring blankly at my friends who were cheerfully playing with the firecrackers. The loud cracks burst up above the dark sky failed to distract my empty feeling even a bit.

“You’re right,” I pled guilty.

She was, because I nearly cancelled my plan to join them playing those firecrackers as I thought I preferred to spend my night alone at home. But someone blurted out, “Come on, Ayu. You’ve no life if you don’t join us.”

And so, I changed my mind and joined them. Who said I have no life? Okay fine, I know who.

During weekdays, I have to make sure I go to bed before 10.30pm. If later than that, I would feel I have wasted my precious time since I’ve to wake up early to go to work. As if, my office is 50 kilometres from my house (it’s actually 5-7 minutes journey). I barely had my dinner as I’m worried if I take dinner, I will have a hard time waking up in the morning when I’m full.

I don’t socialize anymore, I haven’t made new friends for quite a long time already. I rejected a few people who wanted to get to know me just because I feel getting-to-know-each-other session is tiring (I don’t sms a lot and I don’t like receiving unnecessary calls). I still spend my weekends with my friends but old ones. I still go out regularly but never during weekdays. It’s like, hell no.

But I do have my own excuses. I don’t socialize because my weekend activities are always full with my friends. I rejected those guys not because I’m snobbish but because I knew I would upset them when I hardly have time to reply their messages and they couldn’t understand. I go to bed early during weekdays because waking up early in the morning is a real challenge to me.

After my bestfriend ended up her lecture, I made her a promise that I would try to change myself. But still I argued at first by saying “I did try, you know. Ok maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Fine, I didn’t try at all.”

Maybe.. Mayyybe I can try to learn giving some space to myself or to other people..

Perhaps, next year.

Those years we had our chances.

ZAMAN SEKOLAH

To be frank, I prefer not to recall any of my school memories because I felt I was not being myself, I was influenced and the thing that I regretted the most is I was not able to stand up for myself. I was hard, I was clumsy, I hated school boys, and I had bestfriends who turned out to be successful backstabbers.

But somehow, I insisted a meme from padfoot because I wanted to do something non-work related when I'm tired doing all the works in the office. She promised me one, and there you go, a meme about 'Zaman Sekolah'. Not to blame her though (no worries, padfoot hihi), doing this survey won't do any harm. Besides, I'd love to share my photos during my school years. I'm not sure I still have them in my PC or not but let's worry about that later.

5 tabiat buruk time sekolah:
1- I came late to school almost everyday when I was in form 2-3 eventhough my school is only a walking distance from my home. There was a few times where I purposedly went home for a while (during school session of course), and went back to school as if I did nothing illegal.
2- I skipped assembly whenever I got the chance. Very risky, though but I never got caught.
3- I used to play 'Spirit of the Coin'. Reluctant to tell you this, but it's true. Taubat dah wei.
4- Everyday it's a must to go to the toilet. Tabiat buruk semua budak pompuan!
5- Suka curi tulang time PJK. Berborak jer.. cikgu suka lepas tangan.

Ada satu kisah jahat, tapi ini bukan tabiat. I only did it once. I broke into prefect's room to get back all my illegal stuff when no one was around. With a little help from my bestfriend, though. She was a prefect.


3 favourite subjek anda... kenapa?
1- English. To all the schools I went to, I liked all my English teachers and I used to be their favourite too. :P
2- Muzik. I only had this class when I studied at SRK (1) Kuala Ampang. Bes lah.. enjoy je blaja muzik ni. I learned playing instruments, dancing, and singing.
3- Maths. This was the class that I had the best concerntration on because I knew I would get into trouble if I didn't listen carefully. But I totally hated Add Maths because of the racist teacher.

Can I add one more? Pendidikan Seni! Rileks jer.. main lukis-lukis. I was pretty good at drawing.. I won contests too. But I can assure you, I don't have that talent anymore. Tak ingat bila last melukis.. longggggggggg time ago.

Oouu.. I loved Biology class too.. boleh main benda-benda yang disgusting. Damn right you are, padfoot.. bedah katak! Hehe besss.. dan bedah tikus. I even got addicted with the blood-type test. I tested on myself more than 5 times. And there was one science exhibition, I volunteered to take part in blood-type test, and I tested on God-knows-how-many students.


3 subjek anda tak suka... kenapa?
1- Add Maths. Reason mentioned above. Plus, this was the only subject that made me cried.
2- Geography. Benci subjek ni sebab banyak sangat tempat nak ingat. I didn't mind learning all the stupid polars, but the need of mesmerizing where coffee is most planted, and what are those institutes involved was really getting on my nerves.
3- History. I loved form 4 syllabus, but not form 5. Reading the text book was really tiring!


Anyway, since I'm in the office, photos will be inserted later.

SRK (1) Kuala Ampang (standard 2)



SMK Kuala Kubu Bharu (form 4)

I say a little prayer for you.

Forgive me if my blog tends to be difficult to view due to all the photos uploaded in my recent entries including this one.

Anyway,
This time I'd like to share what happened during my birthday on last 26th August.


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We are 'geng kotak hijau'! hehehe. One way of releasing stress, karaoke sampai pengsan.


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Thanks to all my friends especially Shidi.. sesusah je kan beli tepung dengan telur tu.. ish.. mati sekor anak ayam kerana ku..


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Then I spent one night for a dinner with my darlings, shinizzle and padfoot at The Coast, Alamanda. Thanks, girls!!



Last but certainly not least,

Over the bridge.

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Trust me, I've another longgggg entry about my one week in Singapore, but I am pretty sure I won't be able to finish it. So thinking that I would never get the chance to complete it, I decided to share with you my stories through some of the photos I took. I have hundreds but of course it seems impossible to share them all.

So shall we proceed?

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I walked to the office (Starhub Centre at Cuppage Road) every morning eventhough I had other options by taking bus or taxi, but I went home by bus because it's not a wise decision to be walking alone along the road (ya, I went home alone.).

This is where I stayed for the whole week, Somerset Liang Court Apartment. Pretty convenient, though. But I spent time at the apartment only to sleep and have my light dinner.

Why, you wonder I barely spent my time at the apartment? This was what I did everyday after work. Touring all around Orchard Road and window shopping. All alone. I had the worst blisters all over my feet and they hurt like hell when I walked on my bare feet.

Took the MRT with a colleague who was kind enough to get me familiar with the public transportations.

My second day in Singapore. It was a rainy day. We had to take a cab to the office.

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Right: Me at the balcony. Left : Me just went back home from shopping.

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I flew to Singapore, accompanied by a colleague and went back from Changi to KLIA all by myself.

No matter how great other country is, I still love my own.