In brightest day, in blackest night.

Hui hui..

Amboi amboi, Yu... dah tukar balik ke blog lama.. dah tukar address segala.. tak reti nak update ke??

(cubaan meng-sound diri sendiri)

Ok lah nak cite pasal dua movie yang baru tengok minggu lepas dan minggu lepas satu lagi. (haha baru nye~)

Xmen.. Gold class? First class?

Hehe.

Saya sangat suke James Mcavoy ever since cite Penelope. Miaauu~

(sejenis review ke ni?)

Oh so shweett~!

Xmen memang best.. Ramai suka. But maybe terlampau ramai cakap best, so bile aku gi tengok.. my expectation went too high kot. so aku cam tertunggu-tunggu, part mana yang menyebabkan cite ni rating tinggi ni?

And I hate Kevin Bacon for some reasons so him being the villain is kinda distracting.

But it was certainly entertaining enough. Yet masing-masing yang membesar bersama mutant2 ni sure tau dah yang Magneto akan berpaling tadah dengan Prof X, dan jugak Raven akan follow Cornetto Magneto.

So dari segi ending, it was expected. Aku pun dari awal movie duk tertunggu-tunggu scene macamana Prof X ni boleh lumpuh. Seb baik ada tunjuk kan.

Something doesn't look right, right?

Ada moral value sikit la part Raven tu. About accepting the way we are. Bukan mutant je ade masalah ni. Muggle pun ade. Eh ape term Harry Potter lak ni. I mean, manusia kan. Aku tak tau sangat la part ni, sebab aku ni unicorn. (eh?)

Apa pun, sebagai mencukupkan syarat review, aku bagi 6/10 (di mana 3 bintang disumbangkan oleh James. Ehee kidding la auw.)

<3

Second movie aku tengok,

Ok sebab musabab utama aku tengok cite ni adalah kerana aku suke gile kaler hijau. Oh so tipu.

Mesti la sebab RYAN REYNOLDS please!

Haha. Actually aku pernah tengok trailer cite ni dulu, so macam teruja je nak tunggu movie tu release. So ade peluang, tengok la kan.

Cite ni.... gile merapu.

Tapi sebab ade scene Ryan pakai spende jer, so aku maafkan. HAHAHAHAA. Kidding, kidding, jangan la sentap plis.

(serius dol, ade. gi tengok, girls. nyiauuu)

Dari segi kualiti animasi dan grafik dia tak bagus sangat la.. Memula tu dia cerita dulu part dunia alien ni di mana nama dunia ni iyelah.... mm.. iyelah.. err..

(googling)

Oo..

Oa.

Oa je namanye.. boleh tak ingat kan? (ini sangat memalukan keturunan unicorn. Oa je kut....)

So, ade satu panglima planet ni (sesuka ati je kasik nama jawatan), nama dia Abin Sur. Dia ni tak suke mandi pagi. Tak tahan sejuk.. Nanti mule la duk gigil-gigil, "Surrrrr~~~".

Haha tipu.

So Abin Sur ni al-kisah eksiden di bumi lantas mati. So memula tu depa cerita part dunia Oa ni. Rasa cam tengok kartun je.. Huhu. Tak real. Tapi bila muncul je Ryan Reynolds ni.. segalanya dimaafkan. Ngiaaaa biasednye~

Apa yang aku suka cerita ni, part dialog-dialog kelakar dan imaginasi Ryan bile dia dapat superpower untuk gantikan Abin Sur ni. Memang typical human la. Seb baik aku ni unicorn. Ngekek ketawa je la kan melihat tingkah laku manusia ni.

Pastu aku suka plot permainan hati dan perasaan (eheh) between Ryan dan heroin tu (takde kepentingan nak google nama dia pun -dengki-). About expressing feelings. Kalau tengok cerita-cerita lain, cam senang je kan nak fall in love ni.. confess, kiss, you are mine, setel. Tapi ni ada twist sikit la kan. So okey la tu. Agak mengikut logik akal. :)

I do not approve where she puts her hand on.

Tapi agak terganggu sket bile Ryan kenakan mask tu. He looks like Hritik Roshannnn!! So disturbing. Eeppp!



Overall, I enjoyed this movie more than Xmen.

Ye la lain orang, lain taste la kan. Nasib le. Ehee~

Okay la entry akan datang, aku cerita pulak asal usul nama blog aku yang baru ni, ayudebiyu.

(Yu, ko tu dah la liat nak update, boleh tak alang-alang cerita je skali?)


Ha fine.

Ayu debiyu ni nama timangan arwah Opah suka panggil masa aku kecik dulu. Ehee.

Ok tu je pun.


Hahahahaa.

Trying to digest.

My disorders.

I truly believe I have nothing attractive on my physical appearance. I sometimes wondered how it feels to be one of those pretty girls with long skinny legs, flat tummy and sparkling eyes who skips those guys' heartbeats whenever she looks at them. I am aware friends told me the opposite, and tried to make me realize that I am making false assumptions, but it never worked. I just appreciate how sweet and humble my friends are, but my beliefs remain the same. I over think too much, most of the time. I like to imagine worst-case scenarios and there are too many what-ifs drowning in my mind until sometimes I feel dizzy and weak. When I'm in the crowd, I always look at other people and question "Why am I even here?", "Why they always seem to be luckier than me in every perspective that I could think of?", and "I have the biggest butt in this place." I lay on bed in the dark thinking every possible thing going on in my life. I can never stop thinking why things happening to me. Finding all the obvious and hidden reasons. Seeking for God's signs that I may overlook. Or those signs that I misinterpret. Whether when I'm happy over something, is it because I deserve the happiness or I'm actually in denial? I always feel I do not deserve any kind of happiness in this world. I feel like happiness for me is always temporary. Never real. Sometimes I feel like people cheat on me, hide the truths because they want me to think that I am happy or lucky when actually they are laughing at my stupidity behind my back. Turning me into some kind of a joke. I am scared to fall in love because I have this belief that guys are not being honest when they say they like me. There is not even one reason I can think of why they would. I know I am always invisible. They love my jokes. And that's it. Nothing more. I love to laugh and smile but no one knows what is inside my heart and the fact that I am scared. I have to fight with my own self every single day. My mind has to argue what my heart tries to believe especially when it involves positive things. Things that I want that my heart says it's becoming real. My mind always says that I've been fooled by my own desire. I walk around and look at other people who are looking at me and I will think, they are judging, it's okay. There's a lot in me that people can judge. My ugliness, how much fat I could carry and still be able to stand, my unattractive eyes, my hideous smile, the clothes I'm wearing, the way I walk. Every, thing. I am struggling with my inner self and no one knows cause I always look fine. I am scared to be happy and in the end I over think. I am suspicious over people, even at the slightest clue, I can create numerous questions flooding in my mind till I feel like it is so hard to breath. Whenever I lay down on my bed, I feel cold and empty. Lonely, and then my mind starts to do its job again : over-thinking. I plan my life. But my plans are based on one BIG if : "If I have to forever be alone, these are the things I would do before I die". I am scared to think I will be happy one day. It is like a fairy tale, too unrealistic. And I don't believe I have a fairy tale ending. I hate when I am right about every thing because it is never a good thing for me. I feel pain here and there every second of my life. I'm used to be in pain. It stays with me. Forever. I am trapped within myself and I never feel like escaping. I love being alone in my room. Doing whatever I want with no eyes watching. No judging, no whining, no cursing. I am in my own little world. No one is invited because no one wants to be in this kind of sad place. Loneliness is somehow my loyal friend. It never leaves. I somehow know I cannot be saved. I am here because I have this soul, unwillingly breathing. Will I ever have a chance to come back to surface? Will I leave my own little sad world and appreciate all the beautiful things? Will I have one happiness that I can hold on to till my last breath? The answer is so far, no. I am wounded and broken. It's never going to end. This is solely the part of me that you do not want to see. Where no one could see before I wrote this. No one could feel. No one.

Disallocation of the brain cells.

Setelah hampir setahun aku kerja di IT department di company Ipoh ni, ada beberapa attitude or mentality staf yang aku rasa agak kelakar dan boleh dimanipulasi.

1. Mereka akan rasa lega kalau IT department menghadapi masalah yang sama mereka hadapi. It's like a fair situation and they'd stop complaining.

Staf A : Ayu, internet tak boleh nak guna la.
Me : Ha'a down. Kitorang pun tak boleh nak access ni.
Staf A : Oh ye ke? Okey thanks.

Staf B : Ayu, apsal email kitorang tak boleh send/receive ek?
Me : Email down.
Staf B : Habis camne? Saye nak send email la..
Me : Kitorang pun tak boleh nak guna ni..
Staf B : Oh yek? Okey.

2. Mereka akan stop complaining bila kami guna ayat teknikal (this tactic will be applied when there are too many complaints).

Dr. D : I can't browse the Internet. I need to use it. It's very urgent. I have a lecture later on at 9.
Me : The Internet is down, Dr.
Dr. D : What's wrong? Why is it down?
Me : Because there's something wrong with the database server.. and 40Gate failed to operate.
Dr. D : Oh ok. Thanks.

Dr E : Is the internet down?
Me : Yes, the cooling system is not functioning so our server is overheated and has been shut down till they fix the AC.
Dr E : Ok.

3. Bahasa IT mereka kadangkala tidak jujur.

Dr F : I can't open the Internet Explorer.
Me : You mean your laptop is hang and you can't open the browser or you can't view any website?
Dr F : I can't open Google.

Staff G : Ayu, internet slow ke hari ni? Tak boleh bukak web ni..
Me : Saya ok je.
Staff G : Tak boleh ni..
Me : Apa web pun tak boleh?
Staff G : Mm.. Facebook.

Dr H : My files are corrupted. I can't open it. Can you fix? (He handed me the thumbdrive)
Me : These are all shortcuts, Dr. They are not files.
Dr H : Oh really? So can you retrieve the files for me?

Dr I : I don't know why your E-Scan Antivirus gives weird sounds.
Me : E-Scan doesn't have any sound, Dr.
Dr I : It does! Wait I'll bring down my laptop.
Rizal : Dr, it's your Avira that gives the sound whenever it detects a virus.
Dr I : How do you know it's Avira?
Me : How do you know it's E-Scan?

And the doctor went like,

4. Ayat "sedang dibaiki" sentiasa mengubah ton suara mereka yang tinggi kepada rendah.

Staf J : Ayuuuu.. Nape tak leh gune internett?
Me : Ha.. tengah fix kat bilik server.
Staf J. Oh okey.

Dr. K : Is the Internet down??
Me : Yea. We're in the midst of fixing it.
Dr. K : Oh. Alright.

Where do I belong?

I am in the midst of cleaning up my blog. Over 600 entries to scan through. I have to say it's a bit tedious yet I already spent 3 days to scan through 378 entries. :P Half way more to go I suppose.

I hope I can go back to my old blog by next week. InsyaAllah.

7 years of blogging. Never missed a single month. That's not something everyone can commit to. :) Yet that's not what I value the most. There are too many memories in there..  Photos since I was 20 years old. I was ugly, dark, my skin was super oily, my tudung was a disaster, no make-up, bad bad clothes. ( I am not saying I am beautiful now but I am pretty sure I look much better now despite of the fact that my body am like doubled the size. Geez..)

Eventhough I look hideous in those photos, I really don't care. Since the first year I created my blog, I kinda made a bow to myself,

"Blog and post photos like it's nobody's business. No one is going to fall for you by reading your blog. So just be yourself."

(err.. maybe somehow I got it wrong somewhere between those lines.)


Anyway,

I feel sad, really sad that I had to remove most of the photos, except for those which don't show my face clearly. Some even caused me a tear or two. It's so true that pictures can tell thousand stories.

Why do I have to do this?

I really don't know how many enemies I have in my life. I barely hold any grudge on anyone but this one particular bitch I surely do. I never thought there will be people who hate me this much though, trying to ruin our lives just because of jealousy and failing to accept the truths. 

What to do, eh?

Let's keep praying we won't turn out to be one. Amin.

Anyhoos, I'll be transferring some of the entries here to the old blog.


You know what? I'm thirsty.