The indignity behind the pride.

This is not the kind of entry that I wanted to write as soon as I got back from Singapore. This is certainly not the kind of entry that I’m eager to write just to spoil the bright mood of my blog.

It was totally a perfect time for me to fly to Singapore on last Monday. Running away from my problems and hatred, as if I intentionally left it behind when I flew to Changi. People told me, you can never run from your problems. Somehow I felt I did.

I was completely devastated and heart-broken by my friends or people who I thought were my friends. I believed when I gave them the best comfort I could, being there whenever they needed me and cheering them up whenever they ought to enjoy the fun, I could hand over my trust towards them. I thought they would respect my dignity and my feelings.

It broke my heart when I was betrayed by friends that I thought I could trust. I failed to think what was rational and what was not by the minute I realized their promises were broken by themselves.

I’m sorry but I am that kind of person who hold abundant secrets that I keep tight and safely in my heart until at one time, I would not be able to even recall them anymore. Their secrets are safe with me but why couldn’t they do the same for me?

Is it that hard just to shut it up and hold that one tiny bit of trust unharmed?

Or do you own that kind of believe that secrets are meant to be broken?

This is not secrets you’re fooling with, this is our friendship for God’s sake.

I had to pay the price because of the damage that was done by others, by my so-called friends. How much I treasured the friendship is how much the price is.

Even if you’re younger than me, you should have known how to think the right way. Or do you need me to knock some sensibility into your blunt head?

You have caused me so many things and I don’t feel like being his friend anymore. I had endured so much pain and sufferings just to ensure our friendship remains strong but you ruined it by the tip of your darn mouth.

Would you like me to acknowledge you for shattering one of my most valuable things into pieces?

I have nothing to give, nothing to offer anymore. I do not have any solution on how things should be fixed. My brain refused to solve the crisis and my heart was so much into dejection. I do not even have the slighest feeling to mend this wrecked friendship that caused by you.

Forgive me if I’m not able to talk to you, to even look at your face because it is just going to break my heart and spoil our good memories. This is what you have to pay.

...and so the lion fell in love with the lamb.

There's a theory I've been making. Let's see if you can see what it is.

But first, let me share with you who my celebrity crushes are.

1. Anderson Luis de Souza aka Deco

Born on August 27, 1977 (mine is on Aug 26th!!!!)in São Bernardo do Campo, Brazil, he is my number one favourite football player since 2006 World Cup. I fell in love with the way he played looking so calm during WC06 Best Match between Portugal and Netherlands. Eventhough he earned a red card during the game and the atmosphere was super duper tensed, he still grinned while walking off the pitch. And yes, he is among the best midfielders I have ever known.

2. Brian Littrell

He is also known as B-rok among the Backstreet Boys fans and I have been his loyal fan since 1998. I am still his fan and I am so in love with his golden voice. He was born on February 20, 1975 in Lexington, Kentucky. I like his bright personality and how kind-hearted he really is and it really broke my heart on the day I knew he had a girlfriend named LeighAnne (they are now happily married with two kids). I was like so broken-hearted and it was funny anyway.

3. Steve Carell

I fell in love with this American comedian after watching his last movie, Get Smart. After realizing how hilarious he is, I decided to borrow The Office series from padfoot and I believe I have made the right decision as I'm falling in love with him more than ever. He was born on the same month as mine, August 16, 1962.

4. Mark Ruffalo

Mark Ruffalo is officially my favourite actor after I watched his movie titled 'Just Like Heaven'. At the very first, he reminded me of someone who I used to love but hurm.. I prefer not to think that way anymore, it's just not the right feeling. Ruffalo has the perfect look of my taste on guys and yes, he is not that handsome, I know. The way he talks is what driving me mad. He is now 41 years old, born on November 22, 1967 in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

5. Adrian Pasdar

He is half-American and half-Iranian and he has been well-known by his role in Heroes series as Nathan Petrelli who has the ability to fly. I fell in love with him after watching season 2 and I am still figuring out the reasons. He is married to Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks (who I used to loath a few years back) and I really like the way they first met when Natalie became a bridesmaid to her bandmate, Emily and Adrian as a groomsman and how they ended up being a partner as Adrian was late to the wedding reception. He is 43 years old, born on April 30, 1965 in Massachusetts.

6. Ralph Fiennes

He played the role as Voldermort in Harry Potter and when everyone was busy concerntrating on the main roles, I got attracted by his excellent acting as the Dark Lord. At first, I didn't know Voldermort was played by someone who is as famous as him (in case you don't know, he played the main role in Maid in Manhattan beside J.Lo). And I had no idea Voldermort could be that good-looking. He is now 46 years old, born on December 22, 1962 in Suffolk, England. But yeah, he is my favourite because he acts well.

7. Gerard Butler

He's a Spartan. Ok, well that's probably only in the movie, but this Scottish actor can really kill with a single stare. He totally blew me away with his dying words in 300, "My Queen! My wife! My love.." This guy was born on November 13, 1969 in Glasgow, Scotland. I heard he is currently single, but it's like, that tells something...




So can you guess what my theory is?

No?

Any wild guess?


Still no?


*sigh*





I like old men.


*double sigh*

Weee.. I see stars.

What a busy month.

Not because of work.. but because of open houses! Since Raya, I never had my weekends at home. I already went more than ten houses, and always went back home exhausted.

Tapi best la.. dapat rasa macam-macam menu yang lazat sekali. Hehe.

As everyone aware, Malaysia is currently experiencing the raining season. As I expected, I fell sick. I normally fell sick during this season because I'm an asthmatic. To be frank, I haven't experienced a serious asthma attack for like a year or more, I was utterly believed I was cured.

Somehow I was wrong. I was like fighting it (ignoring it to be precise) for two days, so I just took a couple of doses from my inhaler, and at the same time I had flu, a very bad cough and a fever. But on the third day, I gave up and went to the clinic (dapat MC yeyeh) and after a few head-shaking from the doctor (I'm so used to those lectures and negative gestures by the doctors), I had to use nebulizer and had to come back again that night for the second round. Duh~ Never in my entire life, I had to use it twice. And after my second treatment, the doctor happily said, "Tomorrow you've to come again for another round." I was like, "What?" and she made that you-heard-me face expression while saying, "At least for three days."

I jumped off from the bed and muttered, "Ok. Can I get something for flu?" while making a you're-a-doctor-how-come-you're-not-aware-i'm-having-a-flu face expression.

So now I have a new buddy. It's a purple inhaler (now I have two inhalers). I always frown when I look at my medicines but this little cute purplish thingy somehow made me smiled. It looks cute and I feel happy to use it eventhough I have to take like 8 doses per day for at least two weeks.

And yesterday morning, as I thought I was recovering, my nose and mouth were bleeding for a few minutes. Yuck, yuck, yuck! I did not feel any pain though so I decided not to see the doctor. Yet somehow I was curious, and asked for a few of my friends' opinions and they were like, "Oh my God." And lastly, I asked my mom whether I should see the doctor.

It was totally a bad decision.

She called me right after I sent her the sms and asked me to straightly go to the hospital. Haha. She sounded so worried and her voice become croaky and I was like, "Ow-oh."

Sooo, for the sake of my mother, I went to the clinic and found that it was nothing serious. The doctor advised me to see the speciallist though, but nah, thanks.

Next week I'll be going to Singapore again right after Deepavali. The apartment this time is nearer.. yeay! So I can go back during lunch and take a nap! Haha.

My bestfriend, Faizal aka PGup is tying the knot this Saturday. I'm so happy for him that now he's finally settled down and preparing for a whole new chapter of his life. Yes, I know I told you I am sad that you're getting married. I am indeed.. I can't deny the fact that I'll be losing you. :(

But it's okay, though.. this is life, this is how it's supposed to be. People come and go. I am totally fine with it. My prayer is always with you, Fezal. May you get the best in life.

I'm currently spending my time watching all The Office series (oh please, i know how far I'm left behind), and the boss named Michael Scott is played by one of my favourite actors, Steve Carell. Somehow, Michael reminds me a lot of my own team lead. He's like a clumsy clown.

Just now during LA training, he interrupted LA trainer, Cynthia like, a lot. We felt so distracted by him. And sometimes there were people giggling at the back while watching his stupid clumsy behaviour. He was like so bossy and tried to interrupt Cynthia by adding his own explanation, it was just plain rude. And while he was like jumping and walking in front of the board, he tripped on LCD projector plug and everything shut down. I was like burst into laughter like mad, along with other people (but I can assure you I was the loudest, but hell, I don't care). He should know how stupid he looked like.

Anyway, I've to go back to the meeting room. Lunch time's over. Daa.

She's mine. Back off.

Selamat Hari Lahir, Ibu!

p/s:a proper update will be done later. i'm out to watch a movie.

Reaching out for the rainbow.

When US is busy making their choices for their new President, Malaysians are busy clapping hands, celebrating our PM's decision to finally step down.

The shocking news about Pak Lah stepping down in five months time might be a good news to most Malaysians especially to those who only know to yell and shout as loud as they want as everyone believes he did almost nothing to the country.

Don't get me wrong as I am neither his supporter nor hater. I have only human feelings towards this one guy who deserves our respect, regardless whether you are against him or not, he is still our Prime Minister.

I never felt he did nothing to our beloved country yet I never thought everything he did was right. After all, he is just a human; a grandfather to his grandchildren. He is a man with a good heart.

At times we are being cruel to certain people we hate. It's not wrong to hate someone when you have a reasonable reason but we tend to refuse to think wisely over our decisions. We refused to listen to opinions againsts ours especially when we think we can never be wrong.

But, Pak Lah listens.

This is what you do not have, the ability to listen.

I believe almost everyone is satisfied with his decision to step down sooner than we thought he would (eventhough later than Tun M thinks he should).

I don't really care when he wants to raise the white flag, because I see what is waiting behind this.

The thing is, I have doubts with his replacement, DS Najib. I don't think he would make any major different when he becomes the Prime Minister. But yes, I do hope I am wrong.

My concern is always about my own race.

Always.

Because of this fella called 'politics', Malays hate and accuse each other.

Even if PKR or PAS takes over the government, I dare say Malaysia would never be a better country if we, Malays keep behaving so selfishly and being so narrow minded.

As I always said, take the fact and swallow it hard.

Insignificant Random Things Happened Today.

1. CEO of PACS, Mr Phillip Seah which means CEO of our mega project that my company currently doing came to visit our office this morning. He was scheduled to give a short briefing but when everyone was standing in front of him, he advised us to sit down on the carpet as it was not going to be only five minutes. Most of us kindly refused and unfortunately I was wearing 2 inches heels and had to bare the consequences as he was damn right.

2. Another road accident happened at Persiaran Bestari junction near Cyberia and I was driving passby and saw a car hit the signboard (lost count how many times they replaced with a new one). It was a female driver and seemed to be having head and neck injuries (hope she's okay). I think it is about time for the junction to have new friends called 'traffic lights'.

3. Funnily I could reach my favourite radio station, Mix.fm pretty easily from my office desk which previously I never succeeded to get through it. (In case you don't know, I only listen to Mix and Sinar.)

4. There was a light refreshment being served after Mr Seah's briefing. The tuna sandwiches with cheese were amazingly delicious but the fried beehoon was a disaster.

5. Someone who willingly served the drinks to us who are sitting nearby the pantry accidentally spilled the cold drinks onto my colleague's computer desk causing everyone nearby his cubical to jump off from their seats waving up their tissues. What a great team they can make.

6. I received 3 mails today which two of them are Raya cards.

7. My office is full of food because of various visitors including a whole bunch of INTI college students thus I didn't get the chance to eat my own sandwiches and fried spaghetti I cooked last night for today's lunch.

8. All Business Analysts wore red attire today and gone before lunch. Wondered where they went to until my colleague told me they might have Team Building. When I first saw them, I could only relate the red shirts with Chinese New Year and Liverpool. Now you know how far I could go..

9. Someone who I used to have a crush on sent me a message early in the morning but I felt nothing.

10. A long lost friend which I haven't met for fifteen years called me by surprise which I nearly thought it was a prank call like 'Panggilan Hangit'.

11. PM has decided not to defend his Umno president post.

* * * * *


Something that made me smiled today. Quoted from Che Det's blog.

1. I have a problem. I cannot remember the date I was married. As a result I always get into trouble with my wife.

2. She has a remarkable memory for dates, not just her own or our special dates but she can remember the dates of birth of all her children, the dates of their marriage, the birthdays of all 17 of my grandchildren and even of her sisters and brothers and late parents.

3. So I can rely on her and sign the birthday cards she passed on to me. Unfortunately she cannot remember much of what she read when studying medicine. So I used to coach her. Thus we complement each other.


4. God has endowed Man (and Woman) with the ability to remember. That is the basic difference between us and the animals.

10. So please try to memorise everything you do every day. Don't forget the details. It can be fatal for you.

One question, if men are so good with technical stuff, why are they so clumsy at remembering numbers or dates to be precise?

There's not even one guy in this world that I know of that remembers well on birthdates.

Losing sanity

I need...

- A new green-brown bedsheet.
- A cup of hot black coffee.
- A towel to dry off my damp jeans.
- A new pair of jeans.
- To wash my muddy car.
- A new toner.
- A good massage on the shoulders.
- A couple more pillows for my bed.
- A new luggage for my next trip to Singapore.
- One day reserved specially to check all the unread e-mails (private and company).
- More sandals..
- A new scent of shower cream.
- Another brain for multi-tasking.
- To bake something to spoil my mood.
- A warm jacuzzi.
- Someone named Anderson Luis de Souza to comfort me..





The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them...

Raya Entry : Celoteh Raya.

Ahh.. one week full of exhilarating moments and blessings has passed.

Now I'm back at my office, continuing my oh-so-boring life.. Hiyarkh.. busan, busan.

I'm still in the mood of Raya. Yesterday I was still in my hometown and now..

Ok, mari stop mengarut.

My Raya was pretty exciting and... tiring. I didn't go out that much though but everything seemed wonderful. Seronok rasanya dapat jumpa sepupu sepapat yang riuh macam aku.. hehe.. Bergurau senda dengan mak dan bapak sedara yang tak habis-habis menyakat aku dengan alasan aku yang sakat diorang dulu (sabar je la).

Walaupun isu kahwin semakin hangat diungkitkan, tapi aku berjaya menepis dan bertindak seperti hilang punca bagai kapal tanpa layarnya.

Ni Raya kedua aku bagi duit raya but luckily anak buah tak ramai. Hehe..

Aku notice kali ni tak banyak pelita dipasang menjelang malam tujuh likur.. Mulanya wonder jugak kenapa.. but I guess kenaikan harga gasoline yang mendadak menjadi sebab utama. Abang aku dulu beli satu botol gasoline dengan harga RM3, sekarang dah jadi RM7. Terus malas nak pasang banyak-banyak hari.

Sabtu lepas ada majlis Aqiqah untuk anak sepupu aku yang baru dua bulan lahir. Lauk pauk kenduri semua dimasak sendiri.. ada kambing, ayam, sayur, ulam, ikan keli.. bla bla..sedapnye. Kek birthday pun ade.. kek Barbie pulak tu. Tercongok patung Barbie di tengah2 kek harijadi kakak si baby yang baru menyambut hari lahir ke 5.

Tak banyak gambar Raya nak di-share sebab asyik lupa nak amik gambar.. biasa lah kecoh sana sini. Pastu ada pulak gambar yang posing beriya-iya sebelum keluar beraya.. then bila cek balik, bole pulak "No Picture" disebabkan battery low. Tidak kah lebih user-friendly jika di-warning awal-awal mengatakan betri sudah nyawa-nyawa ikan?

My personal thanks to Fezal, Edy and Shidah yang susah-susah datang dari Teluk Intan (jauh tuu) semata-mata nak beraya di rumahku. Plan nak pergi sekali kenduri abang si Faiz.. sampai-sampai rumah dia, tengok lengang je. Ah sudah.. salah tarikh atau salah rumah?

Tiba-tiba terasa kendurinya diadakan di dewan. Bila tepon, betul pulak dugaan membabi-buta ku ini.

Dewan tu di Medan Gopeng.. Kalau ikut style orang muda mudi bawak kereta, boleh sampai dalam dua puluh lima minit. Tapi tempat tu dah on the way jalan balik Teluk Intan. Kenduri pulak sampai pukul 3.30pm je.. maklumlah buat di dewan. Ye tak ye, cancel lah plan makan nasik minyak. Maka makan lah nasik lemak di rumahku.. Ngehehe.

Sebelum diorang datang, berkejar lah jugak aku dari Tanjung Rambutan sebab hari yang sama ada kenduri Aqiqah tu.. Sempat pulak ada orang mintak no phone tu.. hua hua. Then, time diorang nak balik, kena lah tunjuk jalan keluar. Dah sedia maklum, orang luar yang tak biasa dengan Manjoi memang cerah peluang untuk sesat. Lepas dah tunjuk ke jalan yang benar, aku dan sepupu singgah beraya rumah saudara.. maklum lah, dah vogue2 pakai, takkan tak menyimpang ke mana-mana.

Apa yang boleh disimpul-matikan, memang raya ni hanya untuk makan, makan dan makan. Letih sebab banyak makan. Ada sekali masa beraya di Parit, pergi satu rumah sedara, diorang hidang bakso.. wah kat kelantan ke aku ni? Ini lah bestnya kampung.. semua bahan2 sendiri buat.. tak main lah fishball dan meatball kilang ok. Eee.. puas sangat. Bertambah-tambah lah aku makan.. maklum lah bakso is one of my favourites sebab aku suka sup.

Banyak betul aku makan Raya kali ni.. bile dah balik Cyber ni, memang mogok tanak makan.. Kesian perut aku kena dera. Takpe kasik rest.

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Aha begitulah serba sedikit sambutan Raya aku tahun ni... tak dapek la nak cite detail sangat pasalnya nanti berjela takde sapa sudi membacanye kan. Pendek kata, memang penat jugak lah aku beraya menziarahi sanak saudara.. Tengok tu.. sampai tertidur kat umah mak sedara (sementara menunggu makanan siap dihidang), diorang amek gambar pun aku tak prasan..

Raya Entry : 1 Syawal 1429H

I'm too lazy and too full to write a proper entry. So let the photos tell the story.

Happy interpreting.



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