The indignity behind the pride.

This is not the kind of entry that I wanted to write as soon as I got back from Singapore. This is certainly not the kind of entry that I’m eager to write just to spoil the bright mood of my blog.

It was totally a perfect time for me to fly to Singapore on last Monday. Running away from my problems and hatred, as if I intentionally left it behind when I flew to Changi. People told me, you can never run from your problems. Somehow I felt I did.

I was completely devastated and heart-broken by my friends or people who I thought were my friends. I believed when I gave them the best comfort I could, being there whenever they needed me and cheering them up whenever they ought to enjoy the fun, I could hand over my trust towards them. I thought they would respect my dignity and my feelings.

It broke my heart when I was betrayed by friends that I thought I could trust. I failed to think what was rational and what was not by the minute I realized their promises were broken by themselves.

I’m sorry but I am that kind of person who hold abundant secrets that I keep tight and safely in my heart until at one time, I would not be able to even recall them anymore. Their secrets are safe with me but why couldn’t they do the same for me?

Is it that hard just to shut it up and hold that one tiny bit of trust unharmed?

Or do you own that kind of believe that secrets are meant to be broken?

This is not secrets you’re fooling with, this is our friendship for God’s sake.

I had to pay the price because of the damage that was done by others, by my so-called friends. How much I treasured the friendship is how much the price is.

Even if you’re younger than me, you should have known how to think the right way. Or do you need me to knock some sensibility into your blunt head?

You have caused me so many things and I don’t feel like being his friend anymore. I had endured so much pain and sufferings just to ensure our friendship remains strong but you ruined it by the tip of your darn mouth.

Would you like me to acknowledge you for shattering one of my most valuable things into pieces?

I have nothing to give, nothing to offer anymore. I do not have any solution on how things should be fixed. My brain refused to solve the crisis and my heart was so much into dejection. I do not even have the slighest feeling to mend this wrecked friendship that caused by you.

Forgive me if I’m not able to talk to you, to even look at your face because it is just going to break my heart and spoil our good memories. This is what you have to pay.